How To Sit With Our Feelings

This seems like a common sense statement, surely you just feel by- feeling? I've only very recently understood and been able to apply this into my life, despite being someone who is very interested in wellbeing practices and it has been a real breakthrough.

The trouble with wellbeing becoming a commodity is you'll find a lot of cliché, gimmicky statements that are used over and over again. But what do they actually mean? I'm sure you've seen posts about feeling your feelings, and sitting with your feelings, but how do we do this?

Maybe the issue is, this question seems so simple that it's embarrassing to ask. For a long time I thought that feeling was the same as thinking about your feelings. The thinking mind, our emotions and the body that inhabits them are so interrelated it is hard to distinguish them from one another, but it is this distinction that has been the most empowering for me.

The beautiful thinking mind, with all its 'logic' and fact finding can often be more disempowering than useful. Once we become agitated, anxious, or angry our minds naturally run along a negative loop, ruminating over our thoughts and grievances and in turn heightening our difficult emotions more and more.

I used to try and sit with those thoughts and difficult emotions, my heart racing, chest tight, and wonder why it was so difficult to break through, if at all. Why couldn't I? Because I was so focused on thinking about the feelings, fuelling the fire, I was unable to actually feel them.

The following method has worked wonders for me. I figured I'm definitely not the only one who struggles with this from time to time and maybe we just need a more practical, less flowery and spiritual language to navigate these waters.

Sit Down

Not always possible, but if you are able to it does really help with focusing on being in your body.

Shift your focus from thinking about your feelings, to purely feeling your feelings in your body

This has been the *major key* for me. Shifting your focus to your body and purely feeling allows you to take your power back. Your thoughts may still be there, but by shifting your focus much of the energy behind them will dissipate, and even eventually be released. Note how I didn't say 'stop thinking'. This isn't helpful advice as it is not possibly to just 'switch off' our thinking, and this usually results in suppressing emotions. Although by shifting your focus you may find that you do soon stop thinking.

Use various techniques to focus on feeling and staying in your body

I do the following as a focal point. These techniques and movement help me to stay focused on, and in my body in the state of 'feeling' long enough to release the feeling.

Deep breathing, especially Kundalini breathing is especially helpful (think of deep, dramatic breathing in and out). This is a great method to focus on your body.

Simple stretches or yoga movements that help you feel grounded. I like to do downward dog or even just kneel in a prayer position with my hands palm down on the floor. You do not need to know yoga, any movement which keeps you focused on your body, that you can breathe through is perfect.

These 3 steps, as simple as they are have allowed me to break through some really tough emotions and 'triggers' and left me feeling calmer than I have in a very long time. I've been especially surprised at how quickly the emotions have passed through by simply shifting my focus and feeling 'without thinking' (at least not consciously). These same heightened emotions would otherwise have stayed with me all day or much longer periods of time. It brought home to me that I was simply not using the correct technique before and exacerbating my emotions by going in circles, thinking about them over and over again. I was never able to meditate and sit still in the midst of that previously; I needed the anchor of movement in my body as a tool to focus on feeling and allowing it to flow through.

Its quite funny that I have previously practised yoga, exercise and many other physical practices and knew that these were great for my wellbeing and felt better after. I knew that being in my body felt good. I knew that I thought less when I trained. But I just didn't put two and two together. It was something that I did generally as part of my lifestyle to aid my physical and mental health, I just wish I knew earlier how incredible it is to use in the moment as an anchor when difficult feelings arise.

Earlier this year I was speaking to a yoga teacher friend of mine about the origins of yoga and the way it has been appropriated as an exercise in the West. She informed my that yoga, as part of a deep spiritual practise, is used as a method to prepare the body for meditation. How did I not know this, it all made sense! Of course, these poses allow you to be in your body in a way that focuses and calms down your mind.

My mini breakthrough also made me think about all the people who avoid feeling their feelings simply because they don't know how to feel or have misconstrued ideas about how to do so. I can imagine that the thought of sitting and thinking about your feelings can be extremely painful, and it doesn't usually help anyway, and only heightens them most of the time.

Maybe if we understood the distinction between thinking and staying in our body to really feel, we would all get to experience more peace, more often. Don't get me wrong, the feelings are still painful to feel, but you may be surprised at how quickly they pass. On the other side of the storm there are still waters, and it is really beautiful here.

*Disclaimer: I am not a trained professional and these are purely my practical tips which have proven to help me.